$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
