problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
