thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
