I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
