of course. lets lasso hookers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
