How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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