i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
