Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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