everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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