my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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