I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
