I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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