i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
