Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
false alarm. still invincible.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
