I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
