U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
