so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
