I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
