i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
