I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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