it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
