Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
