i already hear my dad disowning me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
BRING THE BAGELS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
