he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
