I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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