oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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