I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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