Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
