I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
