Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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