just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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