dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
