dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize