Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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