Are we in a gay sports bar?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
