I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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