i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I will be naked everywhere
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
