but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
