I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
