you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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