Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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