When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
