Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
