420 ftw
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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