I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life without a bra equals bliss.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
