big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
