He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
