brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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