Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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