U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
