whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
