operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
