sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
