worst night to have a conscience
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
