i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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