Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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