Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
