I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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