plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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