you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have aggressive nipples.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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